Tonight my daddy says" Count it ALL joy"
Literally that's all he says and then instantly I am taken back to one of my favorite songs by Bebe & Cece Winans. " Count it all Joy"
My husband is taken to James 1:2-4 ESV
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
We are in the midst of trial, almost literally now, or will be very soon for the life of my son.
This is so easy to look at the swirling circles and take my eyes off what I am supposed to see.
My point of view has easily been how horrible things are but I must see the sunlight aheadm and change my point of view. Removing my eyes from the swirl and move them to him.
I will find the joy knowing even in all of this he is in control and on the other side, there is good for me and my life.
Lord, I pray you help me find the joy.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Saturday, August 27, 2011
A husband even when he is not here...
So Ryan left for Colorado last Monday to start the journey into this next chapter of our lives. It killed me, I was a moping wreck for several days, and even now a week and half later I still am part of the days.
Physically I have no husband by my side. He has gone to make the way for me.
So last Monday with tears streaming down my face, I prayed to God to help me get thru it and said to him" Okay God, you are my husband for now."
Sure enough, faithful as always he is there, at every turn, taking care of me.
He has been my comfort when I couldn't sleep(with the exception of last night), and even done husabandly duties around the house from providing help when the hot water heater stopped working, to the trash cans.. Yes even the trash cans.
The trash cans are normally Ryan's job, he rolls them down every Thursday night, so when Friday comes they are ready for the weekly city pickup. Well yesterday was Friday, and I was in a hurry like all mornings with my teenager to get him to school.
I opened my garage and they were already rolled down the drive way.I ask my son if he did it, and no he didn't.
I called Ryan to ask if he had someone do it, No.. God had it done...
It just brought tears to my eyes to see that even something so small as getting the trash cans rolled down was done for me. Then when I arrive home the trash cans were rolled back up the driveway when I pulled in. I just couldn't believe it.. He took care of it all for me.
Everyday I am learning to rely on, and love him just a little more. Seeing that he is faithful and will take care of me.
Physically I have no husband by my side. He has gone to make the way for me.
So last Monday with tears streaming down my face, I prayed to God to help me get thru it and said to him" Okay God, you are my husband for now."
Sure enough, faithful as always he is there, at every turn, taking care of me.
He has been my comfort when I couldn't sleep(with the exception of last night), and even done husabandly duties around the house from providing help when the hot water heater stopped working, to the trash cans.. Yes even the trash cans.
The trash cans are normally Ryan's job, he rolls them down every Thursday night, so when Friday comes they are ready for the weekly city pickup. Well yesterday was Friday, and I was in a hurry like all mornings with my teenager to get him to school.
I opened my garage and they were already rolled down the drive way.I ask my son if he did it, and no he didn't.
I called Ryan to ask if he had someone do it, No.. God had it done...
It just brought tears to my eyes to see that even something so small as getting the trash cans rolled down was done for me. Then when I arrive home the trash cans were rolled back up the driveway when I pulled in. I just couldn't believe it.. He took care of it all for me.
Everyday I am learning to rely on, and love him just a little more. Seeing that he is faithful and will take care of me.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Colorado
Okay so I haven't exactly come here and been the becon on the hill I wanted to be when I thought of this blog, but it's never too late. So I am here again.
So to catch up to current.. Ryan got a new assignment for work, and We got a new assignment overall. Hence the title of this post. Yep, we are moving to Colorado.
I will write more on this later.
Today, God reminded me of my post from back in October 2010, titled Wise Words from a Sister.
I went down for prayer this morning, and my father says to me thru the lady praying.
" I have numbered your steps, you have a purpose and you will shine like a becon on the hill top."
Instantly I am taken back to October when I prayed to be a light, to be the becon on the hill that I am supposed to be.
Talk about literal.
I am moving to the mountains of Colorado, and on the mountain top I will shine. I will let him shine thru me and we will take back the mountains.
So to catch up to current.. Ryan got a new assignment for work, and We got a new assignment overall. Hence the title of this post. Yep, we are moving to Colorado.
I will write more on this later.
Today, God reminded me of my post from back in October 2010, titled Wise Words from a Sister.
I went down for prayer this morning, and my father says to me thru the lady praying.
" I have numbered your steps, you have a purpose and you will shine like a becon on the hill top."
Instantly I am taken back to October when I prayed to be a light, to be the becon on the hill that I am supposed to be.
Talk about literal.
I am moving to the mountains of Colorado, and on the mountain top I will shine. I will let him shine thru me and we will take back the mountains.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wise words from a sister
One of my sister's in Christ (Coli) said something that has challenged me, these words resonate with me... They are in the end why I started this blog.. Strong words that need to be said again so I am posting them here.
You are the light of the world-like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden."
~Jesus to us! [Matthew 5:14]
If we sin, struggle, suffer...learn, laugh, love...relearn, rejoice, & really become who we are supposed to be...But if it's done in the darkness of privacy... What kind of testimony do we have?
NONE.....
What kind of testimony is it that others do not see or hear? If no one is around to see the glory or the trials and then the beauty that comes from them, who am I really helping.
NO ONE!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The impossible
" Like I healed your heart, I will break away the barriers. Believe that I can, just like I did with your heart." This is what my dad says to me today.
Well, if have you have known me for any amount of time, you most likely know that I once had a heart problem. It didn't look so great, honestly the doctors all said I was going to need a transplant.
Well that was 8 years ago, and here I am perfectly fine running marathons and still with the heart God gave me when I was born. The way it all happened was a miracle but that is a topic for another day.
Just know that spontaneous shrinkage occurred. I know first hand that miracles that no one expects can & do happen. They do, I am literally living proof.
This day, my husband and I are going for prayer over a decision I made 13 years ago, that is hindering us from having a little piece of ourselves. Yes we want a child. There I said it out loud and in print. Some call me crazy with Ken so close to being 18 but this is not just a whim. It is deep longing, that only grows harder with time. Some months I cry when mother nature unleashes, some I just get mad, and most well there is a lack of feeling about it all.
I have cried and pleaded, and even dared God to change it but yet it still remains as is. All along knowing the only way it could humanly change is to pay upwards of $10K to reverse my decision. This honestly I just don't have, and don't see it to be wise to go that much further into debt to force it to happen. Trust me I have fought with myself over this many many times.
Today before prayer, my dad tells me to believe that he can do it. Which really hits home, because I guess I have yet to believe that he can do it. I am sure my husband has hoped enough for both of us, but have we really believed and had faith that he can move that mountain. I know I haven't, honestly I never really thought possible. I guess I always figured it would have to happen by a human doctor and we would have to shell out that money to do it. So I must believe, just like I did that only he could heal my heart and make me live.
So we go for prayer, the Ledbetters pray over us, in agreement with Ken, and then they pray over Ken.
We pray for new life, for things to be undone and as they were before.I feel a strange sensation, almost like pain but not. I get a vision of clips falling off. All this happens on Baby Dedication Day at Sojourn, and the physician who performed the procedure sat just 3 chairs way from me in service.
So today and every day I chose to have the faith that the humanly impossible can happen and will.
Well, if have you have known me for any amount of time, you most likely know that I once had a heart problem. It didn't look so great, honestly the doctors all said I was going to need a transplant.
Well that was 8 years ago, and here I am perfectly fine running marathons and still with the heart God gave me when I was born. The way it all happened was a miracle but that is a topic for another day.
Just know that spontaneous shrinkage occurred. I know first hand that miracles that no one expects can & do happen. They do, I am literally living proof.
This day, my husband and I are going for prayer over a decision I made 13 years ago, that is hindering us from having a little piece of ourselves. Yes we want a child. There I said it out loud and in print. Some call me crazy with Ken so close to being 18 but this is not just a whim. It is deep longing, that only grows harder with time. Some months I cry when mother nature unleashes, some I just get mad, and most well there is a lack of feeling about it all.
I have cried and pleaded, and even dared God to change it but yet it still remains as is. All along knowing the only way it could humanly change is to pay upwards of $10K to reverse my decision. This honestly I just don't have, and don't see it to be wise to go that much further into debt to force it to happen. Trust me I have fought with myself over this many many times.
Today before prayer, my dad tells me to believe that he can do it. Which really hits home, because I guess I have yet to believe that he can do it. I am sure my husband has hoped enough for both of us, but have we really believed and had faith that he can move that mountain. I know I haven't, honestly I never really thought possible. I guess I always figured it would have to happen by a human doctor and we would have to shell out that money to do it. So I must believe, just like I did that only he could heal my heart and make me live.
So we go for prayer, the Ledbetters pray over us, in agreement with Ken, and then they pray over Ken.
We pray for new life, for things to be undone and as they were before.I feel a strange sensation, almost like pain but not. I get a vision of clips falling off. All this happens on Baby Dedication Day at Sojourn, and the physician who performed the procedure sat just 3 chairs way from me in service.
So today and every day I chose to have the faith that the humanly impossible can happen and will.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Contender
The other morning my father asks me a strange question.. "Are you a Contender or a Pretender?
This caused many questions to arise. What does it mean? Is this a literal question or is it related to something else? Is this for me or for me to ask some one else or possibly both?
So I start with what is a contender?
Webster's dictionary says one that contends. Especially a competitor for a championship or high honor.
What does it mean to contend?
Webster says: to strive or vie in a contest against rivalry or against other difficulties.
Next let's look at Pretender..
Webster says a pretender is someone who lays claim to something that is already someone elses.
To Pretend: means to put forward to profess or claim falsely.
Wow all this hits me like a ton of bricks. Why would my father ask me this? What is the meaning of this?
Are we contenders? What are we fighting for? What we wrestle against and for whose honor?
Do we really fight or do we just pretend? Doing that two step forward, one step backwards dance that really gets us nowhere?
Do we fight for the things of this world or do we fight for his Kingdom?
This caused many questions to arise. What does it mean? Is this a literal question or is it related to something else? Is this for me or for me to ask some one else or possibly both?
So I start with what is a contender?
Webster's dictionary says one that contends. Especially a competitor for a championship or high honor.
What does it mean to contend?
Webster says: to strive or vie in a contest against rivalry or against other difficulties.
Next let's look at Pretender..
Webster says a pretender is someone who lays claim to something that is already someone elses.
To Pretend: means to put forward to profess or claim falsely.
Wow all this hits me like a ton of bricks. Why would my father ask me this? What is the meaning of this?
Are we contenders? What are we fighting for? What we wrestle against and for whose honor?
Do we really fight or do we just pretend? Doing that two step forward, one step backwards dance that really gets us nowhere?
Do we fight for the things of this world or do we fight for his Kingdom?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Like the Sinatra song
Welcome to the inner world of Jocelyn. Not crazyrunnergirl, just me.
I was prompted to start journaling all of my inner most conversations and thoughts. Sharing what my father says to me, my struggles, my victories.. Soo..
Welcome to "In the Wee Small Hours"
Like the song, it is when I hear the most.
I was prompted to start journaling all of my inner most conversations and thoughts. Sharing what my father says to me, my struggles, my victories.. Soo..
Welcome to "In the Wee Small Hours"
Like the song, it is when I hear the most.
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